


After the Icicles Melt

by funnelwebbe



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drunkenness, F/M, Fluff, Getting Together, Slow Burn, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-03-15 06:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3436718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funnelwebbe/pseuds/funnelwebbe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her gaze shifted towards the rooftop. "M-maybe after the icicles melt."<br/>"The icicles?" he repeated, confused.<br/>"I hear it's g-going to be a long winter. If y-you still want to be here after the i-icicles melt, maybe I could be your friend."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Sign On Your Heart Read "Do Not Enter"

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the prompt "it's 3am and the fire alarm in our apartment complex just went off let me lend you my jacket while we wait on the sidewalk" 
> 
> NOT DEAD!!!!!! I'm work and go to school full time so I don't have much time or energy but it's still in progress!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ugh Touko's a dumb loser and Naegi is gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LISTEN, THE FIRST LIKE 4 CHAPTERS AREN'T GREAT BC I WROTE THEM TWO YEARS AGO, PLEASE PUSH THROUGH THEM AND BEAR WITH ME YOU WONT BE SORRY I SWEAR TO GOKU

    “Do they know what happened?”

    “Apparently someone fucked up cooking.”

    “Cooking at 3 AM? What an idiot...”

    _It was probably Yasuhiro_ , Makoto Naegi chuckled to himself. _This seems like a stunt he would pull._

    It was 3 in the morning on a chilly Monday night in early November when the fire alarm went off, forcing out all the occupants of Kibougamine Apartments. A boy of small stature donning blue and white striped pajamas and a winter coat stood shivering on the narrow Boston sidewalk with 15 other people, waiting for the all-clear.

    “O-of course th-th-they would do th-th-this to m-me...” a girl in a long black nightgown muttered between teeth chatters. “R-right when I w-was in th-th-the m-middle of a br-breakth-through...” She sniffled, shaking tremendously.

    _She must’ve not had time to grab her coat_ , Naegi gathered. He slowly approached the quivering girl, who he found greatly reminded him of a wee fawn. She stared at him wide-eyed and on-edge as he came towards her, like she was deciding whether or not to flee.

    “Hi,” began Naegi, as soothingly as possible. She continued her staring. “Um, would you like to wear my coat while we wait?”

    She tensed up slightly and looked down, twiddling her thumbs. “I w-won’t f-f-fall for it...” she replied in a small trembling voice.

    “Huh?”

    “Y-you pr-r-robably put itching p-power i-in it, didn’t y-you!?” she said, much louder this time, and very accusatory.

    “Wh-!? No, I just--”

    “I-it won’t w-w-work!” she yelled back, scampering off.

    As they were called back in, along with _Wouldn’t_ I _be itching if there was itching powder in it?_ , Naegi couldn’t help but wonder what that poor girl had to go through for her to immediately assume he had bad intentions in offering her warmth. And in that thought, he gained determination to give her that warmth. Somehow. Eventually. Hopefully.

 

* * *

 

    At 2pm the day after the incident, Makoto Naegi decided to pay that girl a visit. He mentally prepared himself to get rejected again, and even though it would hurt his feelings he tried to remind himself that it’s nothing personal, she’s just closed up by nature, it probably won’t be like this forever. Maybe. Hopefully. After two deep breaths, he knocked on the door to her apartment. About a minute passed, and just before Naegi could come to the conclusion that she wasn’t home, he heard the sound of multiple locks being undone. Soon enough the door cracked open, revealing her face bearing a downcast expression.

    She wasn’t bad looking, persay. About an inch and a half taller than Naegi, with very long, thick, plum-colored hair kept in a mess of two braids. She sported large round eyeglasses and a beauty mark below the right side of her lips. Tired grey eyes implied that she had experienced a lot of shit in her life. She bit her lip anxiously, pondering what to say.

    “Wh-what do you want?” is what she settled on.

    “I, um,” it suddenly dawned on Naegi that he failed to prepare a reason for the visit. “I just wanted to see if you wanted to... hang out.”

    This alarmed her, giving her the same reaction as when Naegi offered her his coat. She peeled off and swallowed a bit of her lip before answering.

    “I’m busy.”

    “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” That wasn’t quite what he expected to hear, but was somehow not disheartening.

    “Hmph.” She scoffed. She began to shake slightly, awkwardly twiddling her forefingers.

    “My name’s Makoto Naegi. What’s yours?”

    “Y-you’ll probably forget it soon anyway, but... my n-name is Touko Fukawa.”

    Naegi briefly wondered why she was still shaking and stuttering despite not being out in the cold, and smiled gently at her.

    “Well, I don’t want to bother you anymore right now... But how about later? Are you free on Saturday?”

    Fukawa stayed silent, glaring at no particular thing, without confirmation or denial.

    “Okay, well, we’ll see,” he chuckled uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll check back with you Friday, Touko.”

    A door squeaking close and the sounds of multiple locks being done up later, Naegi sauntered back to his own apartment, brainstorming what the hell they’d even do. He didn’t want it to be like a date, so nothing like a dinner and movie. He also noted to avoid large crowds, since that’d probably overwhelm her. Maybe she could just come over for hot chocolate or something? Inviting her in his home might be a little too much, though... A walk out on the town then? That’s not too date like, is it?

    “I’ll sleep on it,” Naegi thought aloud. “If only I knew more about her, certainly that’d help.” With a big yawn and a magnificent stretch, he turned out the light and closed his eyes.

 

* * *

 

    Behind the door that squeaked closed, Touko Fukawa clutched her heart and whispered, “I w-won’t fall for it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to God I'm gonna rewrite this chapters someday I'm so embarrassed by them tbh


	2. The Doorbell That Never Rings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fukawa's inner monologue after Naegi's visit yeehaw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short but the next chapter will be longer to make up for it I promise

           _No no no! There’s no way this isn’t a mean prank. He’s deceiving me, he’s not interested in me. No way. No way. It’s just like all the others. I bet he’s laughing at me with his friends at this very second. They’re all the same. He’s no different. But, his smile... was so sincere... It was a nice smile... And that’s why he must be lying! No one would smile like that for someone as disgusting as me. Nobody. No way. I won’t let myself believe it. I won’t let myself believe him._

           _I know exactly what he thinks of me. I know he thinks I’m a smelly, ugly pig. I know he wishes I would just die. I know he hates me for inconveniencing him that night the fire alarm went off. I want him to leave me alone I want him to leave me alone I want him to leave me alone. Don’t come back don’t come back don’t come back don’t come back._

           _And besides, even though he’s playing a cruel trick on me, I don’t want_ her _to get him... I still have to try to protect him. If I can save even one person from her..... Plus, a murder in my own apartment building would raise suspicion against me. So I have to protect myself too. No one can find out about her. Nobody. No way. If he does come back, I’ll pretend I’m not home. I have to continue writing my book, anyway. But what if she’s there instead of me when he rings the doorbell? Would she answer the door?_

          _I have to tell him to stay away. I’ll slip him a note or something. There’s no way I can say it to his face. No way. His smile will just envelope my heart like the smiles of Kazukiyo Kanno and Tetsuhiro Honda. And then she’ll kill him. I won’t let her add a scar to our thigh representing him. No way. No way._

          _Makoto Naegi, whatever you do, don’t look for me, don’t look at me. I don’t want to hurt you. Forget me. I’m not worth it. No way._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before you ask yes the chapter title is an nge reference and the last line is a tg reference


	3. The Lock that Had No Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naegi goes for a walk at 2am  
> this kills the man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I anticipated this being twice as long, but I thought this was a good place to stop. So sorry about that. Next chapter will have a bunch of backstory shit so it should be slightly longer. 
> 
> also please forgive the inconsistencies in typing I am still very unfamiliar with AO3's formatting stuff

The clock steadily ticking past 11PM on Thursday, and Touko Fukawa had still not decided how to go about rejecting Makoto Naegi's invitation. Slipping a note under his door seemed the most practical, but what if he had friends over? They would laugh at her. That was undesirable. But it would be worse if she went over there herself. That lovely smile of his might vanish, and it would be her own fault. That was even more undesirable. After another hour of contemplating, Fukawa fell asleep.

And Genocider Syo woke up.

* * *

2 AM on Friday, and Makoto Naegi was restless. He wanted to get enough sleep for his visit with Fukawa, but his nerves said no. With a big huff, he dressed himself and took a stroll around the nearby streets. It was surprisingly silent outside for Boston. The wind rustling through the leafless trees plus the steady beat of Naegi's converse _pap-pap-pap-pap_ ing the ground created a peaceful melody. And then, he heard it. Maniacal laughter coupled with the _chink-chink-chink_ ing of scissors. As he inched closer to the noises, he was able to hear a voice, presumably belonging to the same person as the laughter.

"Huh? Huh huh huh!? Are you dead already?" Naegi's heart skipped a beat. "Shit! I wanted to play with you some more! If you know what I mean..." The morbid words were followed by another burst of terrifying laughter. The voice was loud and harsh and powerful and fierce. It spoke with such insanity, such ferocity, Naegi almost wet his pants. He had to go to the police immediately, he knew, but the killer would be gone by the time they got back, and then how would they find them? So he decided to take a peek, just to get a physical description. The scream he let out when he saw two long plum braids and big round glasses pierced the heavens. And with that, the poor kid fainted.

* * *

Makoto Naegi awoke to the sound of typing on a keyboard. The room was dark, save for the glow of a computer, from which the sound of typing was coming from. The computer illuminated the portrait of a small girl which two long braids. This sight jogged Naegi's memory of the horror he had witnessed, of Touko Fukawa stretching an abnormally long tongue out to lap up the blood coming from the wounds in that man's neck. He was pinned against the wall with scissors, in a position like he was being crucified, with several more scissors in his neck, his chest, my eye sockets. Naegi jerked up, squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears.

_itwasjustadreamitwasjustadreamitwasjustadreamitwasjustadreamitwasjustadreamitwasjustadreamitwasjustadreamitwasjustadreamitwasjustadr_

This fascinating and complex train of thought was interrupted by another: _Is this Touko's apartment?_ He uncovered his eyes and ears and glanced around. Fukawa's apartment was the only place he could possibly be. _How did I get here?_

He got up and slowly crept towards the silhouette. The typing stopped, and Fukawa froze, realizing that state of her guest's consciousness. The silence was painful, excruciating, dragging on for hours until she finally broke it with a shaky, "I didn't do it."

"What?" Naegi whispered.

"I D-DIDN'T DO IT! I SWEAR! IT WAS _H-HER_!" She brought her feet up on her chair all huddled into herself, and sobbed into her knees.

 _Don't jump to conclusions_ , he reminded himself, _Hear her side of the story. Maybe she has an evil twin?_

"Touko," he coughed, "did you carry me all the way over here?"

"I-I didn't..." she sniffed, " _S-she_ did..."

"Who is she?"

"I can't t-tell you..."

"Why not?"

"I-I-I just can't! Sh-shut up!"

Naegi shut up.

"P-please don't tell anyone," Fukawa continued after a moment of deep breaths. "It w-wasn't me... I d-d-didn't w-want to--" Another watershow cut off her sentence.

"Okay, I promise I won't tell anyone," Naegi said, not entirely sure whether or not that was a lie. "But Touko, I don't want you carrying this on your own. I want to help y--"

"No you don't!" Fukawa snapped, standing up to face him, pointing her finger at the bridge of his nose. "Y-you just want to turn me in! Or make f-fun of me!"

"No! Touko, I--"

"I w-won't fall for it!"

Makoto Naegi had never had a broken heart. When he was younger he had a crush on the idol Sayaka Maizono who went to school with him, and it did hurt to not get much attention from her, let alone romantic attention, but that was about the closest he's come. But now, his heart broke. His heart broke for the girl Touko Fukawa, who lived in constant despair, who trusted nobody, who never left her apartment, who built up an impenetrable wall around her heart to prevent people from hurting her, and who "didn't" murder an innocent man. He knew what Fukawa needed. So he gave it to her.

With a step forward, he took her into his arms and hugged her. Each and every one of her muscles tensed up, paralyzed.

"You don't have to be alone anymore, Touko. You don't have to live in fear. I'm here for you."

Her muscles relaxed and went limp. It took Naegi a longer than it probably should have to realize that she had fainted. But when she opened her eyes, they were no longer grey; they were red. Her mouth revealed a (quite frankly ridiculously long) tongue that dangled past her chin and shark-like teeth.

"Nice to meetcha again, cutie! Geeahahahaha!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW I AM RUSHING THEIR RELATIONSHIP BUT I REALLY NEEDED FUKAWA TO RECEIVE A HUG SUE ME 
> 
> also i apologize for the ooc-ness of naegi i love him but i'm not v good at writing him


	4. The Girl, the Crush, and the Pair of Scissors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lil bit on Fukawa's back story and Syo being... herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been working on this for like two months rip

\- 5 YEARS AGO -

"Did you hear? There was another Genocider Syo murder last night!" 

Touko Fukawa's breathing seized at these words from a woman passing her on the sidewalk. 

"No way! How scary..." 

 _You filthy idiots_ , she thought, _You have nothing to be scared of. S_ _he won't touch you._

It was a Tuesday, 50 and sunny out. People had been talking about it in school too. Not to her directly, though. No one talked to her unless they had no other choice. She silently entered her apartment, hoping for but being denied acknowledgment by all 3 of her parents. After 10 whole minutes of sitting on the couch with one of her mothers, she was able to produce a futile "I-I'm home."

"Mm? Oh," was all that she cared to reply.

With a small sigh, Fukawa stood and trudged to her room. She sat on her bed and lifted her skirt to examine her thigh. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to keep from getting woozy as she peeled off the band-aid she had placed over tally mark #27. The blood had dried an icky brown, representing the death of Takeshi Shouji. He was a clerk at a bookshop uptown. She visited him frequently, and he admired her work. He was a decade older than her, so he basically saw her as a just little kid, but he was very charming and handsome and kind. He was tall, with soft, caring eyes aided by sleek glasses. She knew he was only being nice because her books brought in customers to his store, but he made her feel cared about. 

"You idiot!" she screamed at herself, pulling hard on her hair. "Idiot idiot idiot idiot idiot!! You absolute  _fucking_ idiot!" Each "idiot" was accompanied by a sharp blow to her head. "You should have known! You should have realized! You could have spared him! Fuck you!! You stupid ugly disgusting pig! You terrible horrible awful pathetic excuse for a person! _You_ should be the one to die!" And with that, she face-planted into her pillow, and cried until she passed out. 

\- PRESENT DAY -

Makoto Naegi's initial shock of holding a serial killer in his arms was tremendous, and didn't subside for at least 10 minutes of a conversation that consisted mostly of "I'm calling the police" and "But then I'd have to kill you gyahaha." Several such threats and a pot of Jasmine tea later, they were able to sit down and talk. Naegi's hands trembled when he brought the old mug to his lips as he listened to Genocider Syo's story. 

"I've had my eye on the heir of that Togami company-whatever for years!" she said, drooling slightly. "He's so luscious and his ass looks so firm! I'd love for him to spit on me and call me a filthy girl and punish me for being so naughty!" God, her laugh was obnoxious. 

Naegi really wanted to run away. Naegi wanted to get out of there and go to the police and then forget about it all. But he knew he couldn't. Touko Fukawa needed him to be there for her when she came back. And, aside from the fact that Genocider Syo would probably kill him if he even tried to escape, he truly wanted answers. A billion questions were buzzing around his head. How did the being Genocider Syo come to be? Why does she kill? Why does she kill only cute guys? How long has it been this way? How has she evaded the police all this time? Why did she not kill him? After another couple minutes of listening to her go on about the ever so dazzling Byakuya Togami (or Babe-akuya, as she referred to him), he decided to start his inquiries. 

"So, Genocider..." 

"Oh please, just call me Syo!" 

"S-Syo..." Naegi gulped and began again. "Touko said that you carried me all the way back here." 

"Mhm, I sure did! You're so fuckin' light, it was a piece of cake!"

"Why?" 

"Probably because you don't eat well and you have no muscle." 

"No, I mean, why didn't you... kill me? You called me 'cutie' earlier. Don't I fit your criteria?" 

"Are you joking!? You're not my type at all!" 

Even though it was a murderous fiend talking, Naegi couldn't help but feel slightly dejected and insulted. 

"Look, kiddo," she said, "Little Miss Gloomy and I don't share memories. So to learn what shit goes down while I'm napping, I read her diary. She wrote so many entries about you. So when I heard you scream, I thought, 'wow, that could be none other than the bitch-baby Makoto Naegi himself!' So I brought you back since it'd probably be more interesting if you were still around. Plus I know you're too much of a pussy to rat me out to anyone."

"Oh, I.. okay..." 

"Plus I only like genuine meat, and even I can see there ain't nothing between your legs." She laughed again, snorting. 

"That's none of your business!!" Naegi snapped, upset by the reminder. 

"Well, I d-- I-- d--" She abruptly sneezed loudly and ungracefully, something like a "BLAAAH-CHUH," and her demeanor suddenly changed. Grey eyes returned, and her tongue was no longer freakish and unsettling. 

"Huh? What? I-- AAH!" After regaining a sense of her surroundings, Touko Fukawa yelped in surprise at the sight of Naegi giving her a dumbfounded stare, making the poor kid jump. "W-what are you doing here!?" 

"I-- Well, you fainted when I hugged you, and then Genocider Syo showed up," (Touko gasped at this, covering her mouth as her eyes widened), "and then we threatened each other for a while, and then I made tea, and then we talked for a while, and that's when you came back." 

"You... s-saw her?" asked Touko, just slightly above a whisper. 

"Yeah, I did." 

"Y-you didn't... call the police?" 

"Well, I thought to, but Syo threatened to kill me if I did. Also, I didn't want you to suffer for what she does any more than you already are." 

Touko fell silent, and just as Naegi began to wonder if he said something wrong, she piped up, soft as a kitten's fur, "Th-thank you." 

He smiled gently at her, making her face turn pink. She looked down, away from him, and twiddled her thumbs, shaking.  

"B-but don't think me stupid!! I'll definitely f-figure out what you're p-plotting!" She yelled, pointed her finger in his face again. 

"What? But I--" Naegi stopped himself. Although he had hoped a simple hug would make her trust him, but deep down he knew it wouldn't be that easy. "Well, I should leave now. You should rest, if you can." His eyes were so calming, so full of love and care, and Touko didn't know whether to feel happy or be angry or to pity him. She settled on a mix of the three. "Goodnight, Touko." 

"Y-yeah..." 

After the door closed, she did up all the locks. She sighed loudly, a sigh filled with contempt and sadness, and slumped off to bed. She was happy, of course, that even talking to Syo was not enough to scare this dumb kid away, but at the same time she was dreadfully suspicious. Why was he so intent on spending time with her? She had to disgust him, he couldn't actually want to be around her. What was his ulterior motive? She was afraid of what the future had for her. Her heart was locked, and now the boy Makoto Naegi held the key. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> makoto naegi is an afab demiboy i will fucking fight anyone over this


	5. A Tendency to Assume the Worst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touko has a traumatic flashback and Naegi fucks up on his walk home from work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR 2 1/2 MONTHS?????? WHAT THE HELL,  
> well hey the length of this chapter accounts for a third of the whole fic so far so that makes up for it imo 
> 
> also the first part is in touko's pov just bc i love writing as her 
> 
> edit 9/29/2015: i really apologize that the sixth chapter is taking so long, i am working on it, don't worry  
> edit 10/6/2015: where my draft is saved right now it has 1500 words so be expecting well over 2000 words

It took me by surprise at first. But why wouldn't it? That was the first time I had been asked on a date. He was not unattractive, with shaggy black hair and a sly smile almost always on his face. He told me to take care of planning everything. I spent three days and three nights working on it. Since it was our first date, I decided it would be best to just go see a movie. The theaters are nice and cool, and that way we would have something to talk about afterward. As for the movie itself, a kid's movie was out of the question, with us being in 8th grade. Boys like him enjoy action movies, so we went to see a Seijun Suzuki triple feature. 

"I'll be right back," he had said to me, partway through the first movie. The first movie ended. Then the second. Then the third. I searched the theater for him. The lobby. The ticket stand. The snack bar. The hallways. No sign of him. I asked the lady running the snack bar if she had seen him and gave her his description. She told me that she had, she saw him leave about 4 or 5 hours ago. I can still remember the way my heart froze inside my chest. 

When I got home, I buried my face in my pillow and screamed. 

"C-care about me..." I choked. "Care about me care about me care about me care about me caRE ABOUT ME CARE ABOUT ME CARE ABOUT ME! PLEASE CARE ABOUT ME!!" I screamed a scream of agony and despair, a scream that no one would ever hear. 

And I was somehow okay with the scar on my thigh that appeared the following morning. 

* * *

Two weeks had passed since Makoto Naegi met Genocider Syo. He started visiting Touko Fukawa on a daily basis to try and show her that he had no ulterior motive like she had suggested, but the effort turned out to be a waste. The first five days he made her food and brought it over, simple items like pudding and mac & cheese, but each time she accused him of trying to poison her, so instead he took up the habit of writing her a short letter and dropping it off in her mailbox every day on his way to work. He knew she was receiving them, since he found the one from the previous morning to be gone the next, but for the first week or so he had a nagging suspicion that she just threw them out without even opening them. It wasn't until when in his letter he mentioned the Twilight trilogy and she slid a 3 page single-spaced critique she had written about the series under his door the following evening that he was confident she actually read them. 

It wasn't that Naegi was losing hope, he was fairly certain he wasn't capable of that, he was just slightly frustrated as to how slow to progress their friendship was. Could he even label their relationship that way? If Syo hadn't mentioned that Touko was crushing on him, he'd be convinced that she hated him. Maybe Syo had lied? She was a murderer, it wouldn't be a stretch to call her a liar. He hadn't even seen Touko in person since she yelled at him for "putting arsenic in the vanilla pudding." Maybe he should focus his energy on a more promising area. 

 _But how many people have thought the same thing?_ he contemplated on his walk home from work. His feet crunched on the snow that had fallen the night before, already turning brown from the mud that cars kick up. He pulled his scarf up over his nose to prevent the mid-November air from nipping at it.  _I bet for her to be... how she is, so many people must've given up on her before. She needs me, whether she knows it or not._ This was mostly to reassure himself, rather than an actual reflection on Touko's offensive overall attitude. 

Suddenly, his train of thought was broken, and he was jolted back to reality by slamming into the back of a body. And, predictably, this body belonged to the girl Touko Fukawa, who let loud a very surprised squeak when she turned to see who it was that had nearly knocked her down. 

"Wh-where do you get off p-pushing defenseless girls over, h-huh?" she barked. Minus 20 points for Mr. Naegi, cool. 

"I'm sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going, I was lost in thought..." He waved his hands defensively. 

"Hmph, f-fine, I'll forgive you this o-once..." She looked away awkwardly, unsure of how to proceed with the interaction. 

"Um, so" started Naegi, "are you going back to Kibougamine? We could walk back together." 

"Okay," she sighed, after a few moments of a quivering lull. "I was p-perfectly happy being alone, but I guess if you're so d-desperate for attention, then I'll let you w-walk with me. 

Naegi chuckled softly to himself as they continued down the sidewalk together.  _Happy being alone? I wonder about that..._  

* * *

The trip home was, in a word, silent. But not comfortable silence full of those good, calm vibes, but painful, awkward silence. The kind of silence that has you mentally on your knees pleading to any god who may or may not be listening to grant you the good gracious blessing of a thing to talk about. Naegi frantically dug through the innermost corners of his mind, searching for something,  _anything_ , to say, but all that he had to discuss he already told her in his letters. He considered bringing up a story from his most recent letter (a dog ran up to him in the park the previous day and its owner let him play fetch with it) but decided to not take the risk of boring her. Being caught up in this inner turmoil, it slightly threw him off when Touko was the one to initiate conversation. The sudden sound of her small voice made him jump a little. 

"Why are y-you doing this to me?" she stammered. 

"Huh? What am I doing to you?" Naegi asked, concerned by how sinister she made it sound. 

"Trying to be my f-friend..." She clamped her hands into fists and held them protectively over her heart. "M-making me feel--" she stopped short, having reached her destination, and surveyed the apartment complex for a moment. "Forget it!!" she yelled, making a break for the front doors. 

"Touko, wait!" Naegi called after her. And, to his surprise, she actually stopped, frozen still. "I just think that... you have a lot to you. You seem like a person, who, um, who would be interesting to get to know. And, I, um..." he paused to put his thoughts into words, "I just thought you needed a friend. No one deserves to be alone." 

Then they just stood there for what seemed like hours. Touko remained a statue, and the air had grown stiflingly thick with suspense as Naegi waited for her response. She silently mused that this boy must be totally insane to think that she didn't deserve to be alone-- had he forgotten about Genocider Syo? After a couple minutes, her gaze shifted towards the rooftop. 

"M-maybe after the icicles melt." She stared at the newly-formed icicles hanging from the tall building.

"The icicles?" Naegi repeated, confused. 

"I hear it's g-going to be a long winter. If y-you still want to be here after the i-icicles melt, maybe I could be your friend." She finally turned around to face him.  

"Heh heh! As poetic as ever, Touko!" he laughed, charmed by her ability to make everything so romantic. 

"D-don't make fun of me, s-stupid hair!! Like y-you could even be--" 

"I wasn't making fun of you," he sad through snickers, "It's actually pretty cute!" He blushed, embarrassed to say such a thing out loud to her. 

Her entire face turned into an actual tomato. 

"Nng, I'm blind!" She wailed dramatically, slipping her hands under her glasses to cover her eyes. "Your straightforward nature blinded me!" She turned around, promptly running into a door. Dazed and now even redder, she opened the door and booked it to her room. Naegi smiled, with moderate concern for the poor girl's nose. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you haven't played touko's free time events, the first bit is referring to the dare date she told naegi about. 
> 
> also her calling him stupid hair was a joke bc "ahoge" literally means "stupid hair" or smth idk it just came to me at 5am


	6. A Series of Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving dinner part 1 #savetoukofukawa2k15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LITERALLY A WHOLE FUCKIN YEAR LATER I FINALLY GET THIS CHAPTER DONE jfc i'm so sorry

"Hey, have you heard about the Thanksgiving dinner Kiyotaka is throwing for the whole building?" 

"Y-yes. There's no way I'm g-going though." 

"Aah, I figured as much..." 

"W-what is that supposed to mean!? Did y-you expect me to not b-be invited!?" 

"You know that's not what I meant, Touko," Naegi laughed softly at Touko's ridiculousness. She shrunk slightly, flustered. She still hadn't grown used to this dumb kid; he was genuine to a fault. 

But he was finally growing used to her. Well, as much as a privileged neurotypical person such as himself could in a mere three weeks of minimal interaction. Only 5 days had passed since their walk together, but they had spent a fair amount of time together every day since. She accompanied him to work each morning, and on the way he gushed to her all the things he would have written in his letter. They got coffee together twice, where she'd read to him some snippets of the book she was writing. Naegi had never felt more stupid than when he finally made the connection between his Touko Fukawa and the best-selling author Touko Fukawa, which only happened because two girls approached her and asked for her autograph. 

"My family was gonna drive up from D.C.," he continued, "but something happened with Dad's job and they had to cancel the trip." 

"So you're going to th-the dinner?" 

"Mhm! And I'd really like you to come with me." 

She scoffed at the notion. "I wouldn't e-expect you to understand... I don't go to p-parties." 

"Don't worry, Touko, I'll protect you!" he teased, grinning brightly. 

"I d-don't need a wh-white night!" she snapped. 

Naegi looked down, slightly shocked and hurt by her sudden outburst. Seeing this, Touko grabbed at her roots and started pulling hard on her hair. 

"Oh, now you've done it! You stupid idiot girl! You've pushed away th-the o-o-one wh-who will e-ever--" 

"Touko, stop!" He grabbed her wrists and pulled her into a hug, stroking her head lightly where she had been pulling. "I know, it's okay, I'm not mad, I still like you." This was a procedure he had to quickly adapt to performing on a regular basis; outbursts like these seemed to be relatively frequent. He found that it was difficult to get her to allow him to touch her, but once she did she didn't want to be let go of. 

Touko, after making a snappy, demeaning remark at Naegi, fell silent. 

"Well, no one's gonna force you to go, but it'd be nice to have you there." 

Pondering the implications, she chewed up her bottom lip and swallowed a couple pieces. Moments of comfortable silence passed before she finally responded: "I'll think about it." 

And then Naegi gave her that soft smile that made her heart flutter. 

* * *

With shaky breaths, a pounding heart, clammy palms, and cold sweat dripping from her temple, the girl Touko Fukawa knocked on the boy Makoto Naegi's apartment door. She grumbled, feeling ill, as knocking on someone's door to confirm social plans was something she had never done before.

"Coming!" he shouted from inside.

It was about 8 in the morning on Thanksgiving Day. Touko had been up for the past 3 hours fighting an internal war trying to decide whether or not to go with Naegi to the party. He had proven that his intentions were pure, he was far too annoyingly persistent for her to have doubts about that. On one hand, every attempt to be social in the past had resulted in despair. She also hadn't really shown her face around people or been in large groups in years. And then, of course, there was the risk that  _she_  would front, which would quite literally destroy her life. However, on the other hand, she could have a fun time with this cute boy who genuinely liked her and make new friends. And even though she was well aware of the likelihood of that (approximately 0.00000001%), she still decided it was worth it. That  _he_  was worth it. 

When Naegi opened the door, he was slightly sweaty, had an oven mitt on one hand with the other tucked under his arm, and wore a white apron decorated in grease stains. Touko grimaced at the mess of a boy, but noted in the back of her mind that it was mildly charming. He was taken aback initially, obviously surprised to see her there, but that same smile made of sunshine radiated up at her after getting over the shock. 

"Ah, Touko!" he beamed, wiping sweat from his forehead. "What's up? Come in," he opened the door wider and she hesitantly entered, him closing the door behind her. He seemed unsure, like he was nervous about her first visit to his home. 

She stood still, taking in her surroundings. His apartment had much better lighting than hers, but the layout was basically the same. The only furniture he had was a bookshelf, a TV cabinet (complete with television), a table, and a long couch with a matching loveseat. The sound of the Macy's Parade played softly in the background. Lilac-scented candles were strategically placed in various places throughout the living room. And currently, there was a delicious smell coming from his kitchenette. 

"I'm making shepherd's pie for the party," he told her, seeing her eye it cautiously. 

"O-oh..." Her heart was racing about a million beats per second. She mentally kicked herself for looking so stupid, standing there completely uncertain of what to do now that the first barrier had been passed. 

"Sorry for the mess," he said, putting some books that were strewn about back on the shelf, "I wasn't expecting anyone." 

"Hmmph... W-well if I'm such an  _inconvenience_ to you then I g-guess I'll--" 

"What?? No! Why-- how--" He kept forgetting how the simplest things could set her off. He sighed. "Wanna help me with the pie?" 

"...I'll just mess it up." 

"It's super easy! Here, I'll show you." 

He walked her over to the sizzling beef on the stove and stirred it around with a wooden spatula. 

"The meat's about done," he said, lowering the flame. "I'm not good enough to make mashed potatoes any other way than with the instant microwavable kind." He chuckled, earning a scoff from Touko. Not like she was any better, though. 

He helped her make the mashed potatoes, being careful to not overwhelm her. It was difficult to find the right balance between being gentle and babying her. He didn't want her to be insulted or anything, but he was so nervous that he'd stress her out and she'd be afraid to interact with him. 

"So," he began, once the pie was built and in the oven, "did you decide to go to the dinner?" 

"Yes." 

"Nice! It'll be fun, I promise." 

"Hmmph." 

"Want some tea?" he asked as he took his apron off and hung it on a hook next to the oven. 

"F-from the likes of you?" she sneered. "You probably have n-no idea how to make decent tea. I-I'll do it." 

"Oh, alright then," he said, somewhat stunned. "If you insist." He showed her where he kept his tea and kettle, which caused her to gag and run out. After 2 minutes of Naegi being entirely dumbfounded, she returned with her own tea and kettle and other various ingredients. He almost laughed. 

 _She's so condescending sometimes_ , he mused fondly, shaking his head. Watching Touko work was fascinating; since Naegi rarely knew exactly what he was doing, it was exciting to see someone move so flawlessly up close. She still shook slightly, probably jittery for being watched like that. 

"You must really like tea." 

"It's nice." 

"How long have you been making it for yourself?" 

"E-ever since I can remember... I had to l-learn on my own." 

The kettle whistled, and Touko took it off the stove, pouring the water into her teapot that she brought over and shifting in the mixture of tea leaves she concocted. 

"It has to steep ten m-minutes now..." she told him. He nodded in response. 

Naegi nodded, and they made their way to the TV and sat on the couch across from it. Touko looked less than comfortable, which made Naegi on edge. He tried to think of something that would ease the tension. The question "How are you?" seemed pretty redundant, considering the real answer would be something like "awful" and the answer she'd give him would be a rude remark that would make him feel stupid, so he scratched that for something less basic. 

"How's your book going?" 

"M-my editor says he likes it so far, but I n-need to stop dragging out the p-plot," she said, crossing her legs awkwardly. 

"That's good!" 

"I guess, m-maybe for an amateur..." 

Naegi chuckled. "Ah, maybe." 

"Have y-you ever tried to write?" 

"Yeah, of course. I mean, mostly for stuff like school work. I'm pretty bad at it so I've never, like, written stories for fun or anything." 

"Do you have any s-samples...?" 

"You want to read my writing??" He blinked at her, wondering why the hell she'd wanna subject herself to that torture. 

She nodded curtly, playing absentmindedly with her skirt. 

"No recent ones, but..." he gulped, hesitating, "I could write something for you..?" 

Touko's heart exploded, resonating out of her throat as a small squeak. "O-okay," she managed. "I'm g-g-going to check on the tea." She quickly scurried to the stove, eager to distract herself from the funny rhythm in her chest and pink blush she wore from ear to ear. 

 _What an oblivious idiot... Can't he see what a comment like that will do to me?_   

They drank their tea in silence, and for the first time, it was comfortable. The atmosphere was warm, and Touko felt...  _safe_.

What a dangerous thing to feel. 

While on their second cup, the oven timer went off. 

* * *

"MAKOTO!" The door swung open and an awkwardly big smile greeted them, attached to a man holding his arms wide open like a dork. "And... guest?" he eyed Touko curiously. 

"I l-live here too, i-idiot," she chided. "I kn-knew it! I knew e-everyone would f-forget--" 

"Touko is a writer so she doesn't go out a lot," Naegi cut in in a panic, not wanting this to go in the direction Touko feared it would. 

"Ah!? Touko Fukawa!?" the man yelled, taken aback. "The romance author!?" 

Naegi smiled, relieved. Touko grunted, exhausted. 

"Come in, my friends, come in! Everyone else has already arrived!" 

"Thank you, Kiyotaka!" They stepped into a room filled with laughter, yelling, and chaos. 

"Wh-who knew I had such h-hooligans living under the same roof as m-me..." Touko snided under her breath as she observed the bustle of longtime friends.

"Oi! Mako, bro, is that you?" Someone shouted as they pounced on Naegi, bringing him into a choke hold and giving him a noogie, making Touko squeak in surprise.

"Ah, um, hi, Yasuhiro! What have you been up to?" he asked, rubbing his now-sore neck. 

"Same as always!" he replied with a grin. "My accuracy rate went up from 20% to 30%!" 

Naegi laughed. "Good work." Seeing Touko's confused and mildly disgusted face, he explained, "Yasuhiro is a fortune teller." 

"A clairvoyant!" he corrected. "And I can see... ack!" He peered into Touko's grey eyes. "It's too foggy and gloomy to see anything! What are you, a gloom-shroom?" 

"It was nice catching up!" Naegi yelled over his shoulder, taking Touko's hand and pulling her away from the situation. "Do you want anything to drink?" he offered once they were out of Yasuhiro's earshot. "I can pour us some punch." 

"What are we, s-sixth graders??" Touko mocked, glancing at the refreshments table. "I'll have any Romanée-Conti." A woman standing next to them choked on her drink, nearly spitting it out all over the two of them. 

"Hah???? Who do you think you are, asking for that shit?" 

"Hmmph, m-maybe you're right... I d-don't know why I would expect such a m-middle class crowd to h-have anything of quality." 

"Who are you calling middle class!?" screamed the woman slamming her drink on the table. 

"Now, now, Junko," Naegi patted her shoulder, trying to calm her down. "She doesn't mean anything. This is my friend Touko." 

"Hmm..." She eyed Touko up and down, running her fingers through her enormous pink pigtails. Touko glared off to the side. "Hmmph, whatever. How could I possibly be outclassed by someone with such greasy hair?" Touko's heart stopped. "Hey, Mukuro, come here! I have to tell you something!" she called out to another guest and left to update them on the interaction. 

"Gr-greasy!?" Touko snarled. "I showered a w-week ago in preparation f-for this! How d-dare she!?" 

Naegi sighed heavily.  _Talk about self-fulfilling prophecy with this one._  Her hand squeezed his and he smiled softly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't know how to make loose leaf tea or shepherd's pie, or how the writing publication system works, and I am sorry  
> Stay tuned for more Thanksgiving Fuckes


	7. The Famous Last Words of Touko Fukawa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving Part 2: Touko's Ass Gets Cum-Blasted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT EVEN THOUGH ITS BEEN OVER A YEAR SINCE THE LAST CHAPTER! 
> 
> Wish this was a bit longer, but now we're moving onto the Christmas arc so :)))))) get ready 2 die

Of all the things Makoto Naegi was prepared to deal with, a drunken Touko was not one of them. She was difficult enough to handle when she was sober, but now her honesty was flooding from her pores. In the span of time it took Makoto to check his watch, Touko had gotten herself into a heated argument about what does and doesn't count as trash literature. 

"Of c-course, I'm not surprised that a f-fat pig like you would have such a-a-awful taste!!" she spat the also drunk but not as much Hifumi Yamada, who had overheard her tell Kiyotaka about her current novel. "I-it's always the s-scum like you who would have the brain to see q-quality in fucking B-boku no Pico!" 

Naegi throat closed at hearing the f-bomb drop from such a timid mouth. Struggling to shake himself out of his panic-induced paralysis, he placed his hand gently on Touko's shoulder and offered a quiet "Hey," only to be zapped away with hostility. More people were starting to stare, Touko's face was beet red with fury, Hifumi almost passed out from yelling so much, and Naegi was on the brink of tears. There was truly no way this could have gone worse. 

Except for one. 

Naegi immediately recognized the red eyes as the shift began. As the malicious, demonic smile crept onto her face, he acted on primal instinct, doing the only thing he could think of: just grabbed her by the wrist and ran. The chilling laughter continued to permeate the air of the apartment long after the party's momentum picked itself up. 

"Huh? Huh huh huh huh? What's this? Has my beautiful white knight Makoto Naegi finally come to whisk me away and make me a woman?" she shouted, laughing hysterically. Why did she think she was so goddamn funny? 

Naegi stopped running, far enough away now that no one would come find them. He panted heavily, stumbling backward with a yelp when Syo tried to lick a bead of sweat off his neck. 

"So? What happened to make good ol' gloomy to blackout and force me to pop up? Fill me in on the juicy details, baby boy!" 

"Ggh, don't call me that..." Naegi winced. "She... was having a debate about books, basically." 

Wild laughter erupted. 

"Hah! Of course it was that! Shit dude, she thinks her fancy books are so fuckin' hot, but she refuses to even LOOK at real art." 

"What's real art to you, then?" By this point, Naegi wasn't scared of Syo, just tired of her antics. 

"Ever heard of Killing Stalking?" The shake of his head was met with more annoying laughter. "It's a beeeyutiful romance story of a stalker whose crush tries to kill him!" She shivered, making Naegi uncomfortable. "A true pussy-squelcher!" 

"Ugh.. Y'know, let's get you home Syo, you-- ah, your body had a lot to drink and shouldn't be out and about like this." 

"Aaaaw! But I wanted to partyyyyyyy!" 

"Nope. No way. Uh-uh. Let's go." 

Naegi took her hand, and she continued to make vomiting sound effects the entire way back. 

* * *

"Yikes, who is she trying to keep out?" Naegi fumbled with the locks on Touko's door, trying but truly failing to secure them. 

"More like she's trying to keep me in!" Syo, who had faceplanted on the floor the moment she stepped inside her apartment, yelled through the carpet. 

"Does... Does she know it doesn't work?" 

"Yep!" 

Naegi sighed deeply. Facing Syo again reminded him of his great moral conflict: he was harboring a serial killer. Because of his friendship with Touko, people were continuing to die. But how could he turn Touko in, knowing that she was innocent? It wouldn't be fair for her to reap the consequences of an entirely different person's actions, even if hey do share a body. He knew this, he knew it well, so why couldn't he shake this guilt that was weighing down his heart? 

He shifted his attention back to Syo, who was now snoring freakishly loud on the floor. He wondered with a soft chuckle if Touko slept the same way when she was fronting. Without a single doubt that his spaghetti arms would fail to lift her, he prodded her shoulder gently. 

"Hey, Touko, are you there?" 

"Mmmnnh shhing an toggla mi..." 

"I guess not.." 

"Gg, no no, I.. I'm here..." She rose slowly, rubbing her eyes under her glasses. She looked at Naegi sleepily, probably only 60% awake. He was surprised at how his heart leaped to his throat at seeing her in such a vulnerable state. She was almost... cute? 

"H-hey, uh," he stuttered, finding himself unable to look at her without getting sweaty. "Um, Syo showed up so--" 

"I know, s-stupid." She stood, brushing off her skirt. "While we don't share m-memories, we can communicate in our h-headspace if we're both a-asleep." She looked at him a bit offended. "Y-You told me you were going to read up on D-DID..." Her head turned towards the floor, her hands clamping together. "Hmph, I guess you d-don't care a-after all..." 

"Oh!! No!! I did research it, it's just.. well, I couldn't really process any of it," he smiled, embarrassed, scratching the back of his neck. 

"You r-really are a s-stupid head, aren't you?" 

"Yeah, maybe so." 

"A-anyway, can you leave? I n-need to go l-lay down..." 

"Ah, right!" Naegi headed towards the door. "Um, for what it's worth, I did have fun with you today, Touko." 

"Ggh--! F-fun!?" 

"Mhm! Well, goodnight. Rest easy." 

The second the door closed, Touko ran over and effortlessly did up the locks, lingering on the last one. 

"S-stupid idiot, Makoto..." 

 _Click_.

* * *

Touko Fukawa woke up with an absolutely pounding headache. It had been about 5 years since she had anything more than a couple glasses of wine. What had she even drank last night? She couldn't remember half of it. 

Sitting up with a groan, she grabbed her glasses from her nightstand, noticing Kameko had returned and was resting on her lampshade. 

"At least you'll never leave me..." she smirked weirdly at her, kissing her gently. She was fairly certain in the back of her mind that stink bugs did not live for over 10 years, but chose to ignore it out of love for her dearest friend. 

She let out a huge sigh as she pulled back her covers. The morning light peeked past the drapes like a spotlight, highlighting each greasy strand of hair. She held her thick locks, brushing through them with her fingers, grimacing at the icky texture. She rose, wincing at the pain in her head, and headed toward her kitchenette. She was not usually a coffee drinker, but it seemed this week was the time to try drinking unusual things.

She glanced at the clock above her oven, surprised to find that it was only 11am. It felt like the late afternoon. She settled at her computer, opening the draft of her novel. She was about 1,000 words into her new chapter when her phone rang. She squeaked, paralyzed, obviously not answering. She was sure it was just someone trying to prank her, to make a fool out of her. She walked over to the receiver in order to unhook it, but froze when she saw that the caller ID was none other than the precious Makoto Naegi. She picked up before she knew what she was doing. 

"H-He--" Having not spoken yet that day, her voices was gravelly and broken. She cleared her throat and tried again, "Hello?"  _God you stupid idiot, you don't need anyone besides yourself to make a fool out of yourself._  

"Hey, Touko, it's me, Makoto Naegi." 

"Mm,"  _as if I didn't know, stupid_ , "W-what do you want from me?" 

"I just wanted to check on you. I saw your old novel in Barnes and Noble so I was thinking of you." 

Her heart stopped. 

"Th-thinking of me? So l-lewd..." 

"Oh no!! Not like that!!" His voice grew louder, forcing her to pull the phone away from her face. "I just... I feel bad. It was my fault you had to be in that situation last night. I shouldn't have put so much pressure on you. I'm sorry." 

"Hmph, d-don't beat yourself up... You shouldn't be so s-surprised that y-you make so many mistakes..." 

A pause. 

"Um, does that mean you forgive me?" 

"I s-suppose..." 

"I'm glad! I'll make it up to you somehow, if you'll let me." 

Another pause. 

"How are you feeling?" 

"D-do you really need to ask such a f-foolish question?" 

"Haha, I guess not." 

An awkwardly long pause. 

"Well, I should get back to it. Lots of Christmas shopping to do!" 

"O-okay?" Touko groaned. She did not care for Christmas at all. 

"I'll see you later." 

"Y-yeah... Uuh! W-wait!" 

"Mm? What's up?" 

"How..." she breathed deeply, "did you k-know my number? A-are you s-stalking me or something?" 

"I just looked it up in the Whitepages!" 

"You l-looked it up?" 

"Yeah, it's pretty convenient." 

"Hmm... B-bye." 

"Okay, later, Touko." 

She sat back down to write, but her mind wouldn't shy away from the fact that he put so much effort into talking to her. He didn't simply wait until he got back to the complex, and he actually put  _effort_ into finding her number. 

"M-maybe he actually cares about me..." she whispered to herself, blushing heavily with a sheepish smile. She picked her mug up to her lips to hide her smile from whatever God had it out for her, and slowly finished the last drops of her coffee. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ggh...


	8. Cause of Death: Touko Fukawa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touko just needs to get it the fuck together and make up her mind and honestly so do I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING!! Implied sexual abuse in Touko's memory, if you can't read it please skip from "The day moved slowly and painfully" to "Touko remembers it vividly" (it only about 100 words).*
> 
> Damn look at me actually being on schedule and not producing entirely awful content, I'm proud of myself 
> 
> Also I forgot to ever mention they're like mid-20's or so in this fic lmao my bad

_-15 years ago-_

"Merry Christmas, dear!" Touko's mother giddily thrust the gift at her father. Touko looked up from the dining room table. All of her parents surrounded each other in gifts by the Christmas tree. Or rather, more accurately, Touko's mothers were overwhelming her father with gifts. Touko sighed in exasperation, supposing that this year wasn't the one in which they'd realize he didn't actually care about either of them. 

"Ah, thank you." Her father forced a pained smile on his face. He placed it next to the pile of gifts they had already given him without opening it. Touko turned back to her eggs benedict, eating with one hand and typing with the other. 

"O-oh! Yes! Open this one first!" her other mother shouted excitedly, shoving the other aside. 

"Oh man!" he interrupted loudly. "You know what! I guess we're out of wine! I should go grab some more!" he immediately ejected himself from his seat and practically flew to the front door, while those foolish women waved their goodbyes. And, to no one's surprise, they started bickering the moment the door closed like soccer moms at their sons' school's PTA meeting. 

Touko grunted slightly, putting her dish in the sink and trudging upstairs with her laptop. It was the only Christmas present she had ever received: a teacher who adored her writing and was her biggest support had complied the funds to get her a high-tech laptop with fancy writing software the year prior. Believe it or not, that was also the only time that Touko had ever felt the love of another person. 

The day moved slowly and painfully. It was another a few hours before Touko's father returned absolutely shitfaced. Touko holed herself up in her room to escape the yelling, throwing of plates, punches, crying. She hid under the covers, a sniveling mess, knowing that she would be next. Within the hour, she heard the stomping up the stairs. Her door creaked open, letting in drunken murmurs. The bastard threw back the sheets, leaving her exposed. She stared at him, wide-eyed, protecting her head and torso with her arms. 

"Hey, hey, hey, don't be afraid, baby girl," he whispered into her ear, stroking her face. "You know how much Daddy loves you. More than those wretched whores downstairs, more than any woman I've ever loved." 

Touko remembers it vividly, bitterly, every second of abuse, neglect. That man was the one scar she was actually happy to have. 

* * *

_-Present Day-_

Touko drank her tea slowly as she gazed out her second story window. It was just after 5 in the afternoon, and the autumn sun was already beginning to set. Long icicles hung from building tops, the snow beginning to pile above a foot. This time of year was by far her least favorite. Given, she didn't truly like any time of year, but the end of each year only served to remind her of times that should be long forgotten, and forced her to live out the bitter loneliness that she normally hid away in her writing.

Her heart jumped a bit as she spotted Makoto Naegi entering the building. She hadn't thought he could look much smaller, but wow he was tiny from this height. And he was wearing... a suit? She had no idea he even possessed actual nice clothing. She scowled at him her making her heart melt. How was such a bland, untalented kid deserving of her affection? Once he was out of sight, she turned her back to the window, mentally scolding herself for having emotions. 

She hadn't been able to bring herself to open any of his letters ever since Thanksgiving. It had only been a week since that dreadful night, and she had been avoiding him like the plague. She traced a fresh scar on her thigh lightly with her fingertips. There was no way--  _no_ way-- they both would continue to be safe. Either he would turn her in, or he would die, or maybe even both. Thoughts of betrayal that kept her up at night erased all trust she had had in him. It was way too suspicious, right? There was no way, right? It was better like this, right?. It's always been better like this. 

She stood with a sigh, taking her empty mug to the sink. 

"I-it's better like this..." she affirmed with herself. 

To cheer herself up, she picked up her copy of the latest issue of  _Money Monthly_. Her gorgeous husband-to-be Babe-akuya stared harshly at her, relaxing on his yacht. She giggled, kissing his face. He truly was the only one worthy of her affection, the only person on the planet who could compare to her. She hugged the magazine tightly, imagining him gingerly touching her and calling her names. Abruptly, she was snapped from her fantasy by the doorbell. 

"Eugh," she grimaced, not in the mood to deal with anybody except her one true beloved. She stayed silent, observing, hoping they would just go away. To her despair, they knocked on the door for a change. She was just about to retreat to her room when a familiar voice carried from the hallway: 

"Touko, are you okay?" Her heart froze in her chest. "It's Makoto... I'm really worried. Please answer?" 

_It's a l-lie!_ she told herself.  _N-no... It has to be a trick..._ Despite her own warnings, she found her feet moving steadily towards the door. She opened it cautiously, finding Naegi waiting, eyes wide in worry but his signature smile on his face. 

"Hey, I've been calling... What's up?" 

Touko looked down, unsure of where to start. She settled on the most pressing thing on her mind. 

"Since w-when do you own a s-suit?" 

"Oh! Um, since like 8th grade," he snickered. "I haven't grown so, y'know, might as well keep it." 

"I thought you just worked at a g-grocery store." 

"I got promoted!" he shoved his new "HR Rep" ID badge towards her. 

"Huh, maybe you are actually capable of something..." 

"I guess so, right?" 

Touko lingered in the doorway, deciding what to do. She exhaled dramatically, stepping aside. 

"Y-you stupid idiot, I guess it c-can't be helped with you." 

"Huh? Are you--am I--" 

"Just come in, d-dummy." 

He snorted and followed her to the kitchenette, both taking a seat at her small dining room table. He mused to himself how surprising it was that she actually had more than one chair. 

"So um, remember how I offered to write a little thingy for you?" 

"W-what about it?" 

"I've been racking my brain and I think I finally came up with something worthy for you to read!" he smiled, handing her two pages of double-spaced handwriting. Hearing this, she actually physically laughed. Her laugh was different than Syo's; it was broken and dusty, but so whole and genuine. Naegi could barely hear it over the beating of his heart. 

She reluctantly snatched the papers from him, reading, rereading them, again and again. Naegi waited patiently in anxious silence while Touko analyzed every single stroke of ink. It was a short story about a lonely porcupine who nobody could get close to because of her sharp quills, and she was very cold because she couldn't share warmth with anyone. But then, one day, a little bear came and shared his warmth with her despite it hurting him. The porcupine insisted on keeping him away so he wouldn't get hurt, but the bear took it upon himself to deem the pain worth it and kept hugging her. 

It was the work of a fourth grader. It lacked fundamental plot, interest, character development. The dialogue could've been written by a chimpanzee. The formatting was awful, there were countless grammatical errors, and the entire thing was one paragraph. It practically made her feel ill to ever have the misfortune of reading such an atrocity. But she wasn't oblivious or daft. She understood the intent, the obvious hidden message. Worked up and overwhelmed, feeling 10 different emotions simultaneously, she could only force herself to mutter one phrase: 

"It's okay." 

Naegi let go of a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, fulling expecting Touko to roast him to hell and back. 

"I'm glad! Maybe for a sequel I cou--" 

He was cut off by a snap of the lights, shrouding them in darkness. In this shitty Boston complex, power outages weren't uncommon during the winter months. 

"Damn, Touko, are you okay?" He reached in front of him to hold her hand, alarmed to find nothing. "Gah-! Touko!? Where'd you go?" 

Once his vision adjusted, he noticed a bundle of pure fear quaking in the corner. He approached her slowly. 

"H-hey, are you okay, Touko?" 

No answer. Just crying. 

"Are you afraid of the dark?" 

A soft nod. 

"Oh, no... It's okay, I'm here, you're safe with me..." He crouched next to her, hesitant. "Um, can I hug you?" 

A pause, followed by a soft nod. 

He took her in, stroking her head softly, as he has countless times before. 

"I'm not going anywhere, it's okay. Hey, you know, if you keep your eyes closed, you won't know whether it's dark or not, right?" 

"W-what kind of s-stupid logic is that?" 

"Schrodinger's cat?" Naegi shrugged. "Just try it! See?" He pulled away, confirming that her eyes were shut tight. "Oh my! The power is back on!" he hollered with pronounced exaggeration. "But there's, uh, poisonous gas! If you open your eyes you'll go blind!!" 

Touko couldn't help but smile at what a fool he was making of himself, for her sake. She put her head in her hands to hide it. 

"I better go get some candles to, uh, extinguish the gas!! Trust me!" Then, leaning in softly with another hug, "I won't be long. Hey, think of a vegetable while I'm gone, okay? You'll be amazed at my super mind reading abilities!" 

"I mean, o-okay, Yasuhiro..." 

Naegi laughed, squeezed her once more, then dashed to his own apartment. A total of 152 seconds later, he returned with a bundle of candles, matches, flashlights, and batteries. 

"A carrot!" he proclaimed, lighting a candle. "I'm right, aren't I?" 

"Hmph, I w-was actually thinking of a t-tomato..." 

"What!? That's cheating, a tomato is a fruit! No fair!" 

"N-no..." 

"Well, anyway, tada! Poison all gone! Open your eyes!" 

Touko did as she was told, amazed the new lighting: candles were set out every two feet, along with bright flashlights illuminating the ceiling. She blinked slowly, stunned. 

"Makoto..." she whispered, standing to survey his work. Never in his life had Naegi ever heard something so  _pure_. Nothing was more beautiful than hearing her say his name. It stopped him in his tracks, replaying in his head. He had never seen such a gentle, vulnerable look on her face. She could have been an angel, right then. He swallowed loudly, finding his throat dry and tense. He cleared it with a mood-breaking hack. 

"I guess I should get going, that sequel won't write itself, haha..." 

"Errh--!" Touko chirped. "I-I, well, um... W-who do you think you are, leaving me alone like that!?" 

Naegi's eyebrows twisted in concern. 

"Y-you should probably.. s-spend the night... just to be safe..." 

"Yeah, okay, that would be fun!" Naegi smiled brightly at her, taken aback but happy nonetheless. 

"B-b-but don't get any wrong ideas!!" she yelled, pointing her finger in his face. "If you lay a hand on me, I'll b-bite my own tongue off and choke o-on the blood! Till I'm d-dead!"

"Whhgh--! I'd never!" 

"Huh, what a m-mean thing to say... So rude." 

Naegi sighed. He had almost forgotten how  _difficult_ she was. He offered a tender smile and chuckled, wondering if she'd truly be the death of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh sorry this one's kind of janky I ain't a professional but thank y'all for reading I love u 
> 
> P.S. If what the whole "think of a vegetable while I'm gone" thing is referencing come cry to me please


	9. I Know I Said I Would Update on Wednesdays but I'm An Unemployed Single Father and I'm Doing My Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Touko is good at something other than writing and being a bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "For River" is a link to the song they play, be sure to click on it and listen while you read! 
> 
> The past couple months I've been dealing with a lot, July is going to be the busiest month for me in a long time, I have exactly 2 days where I'm not busy from morning to night, but I hope to get my FUCKING shit together soon so I can deliver the content y'all deserve

Five seconds after her impulsive decision, Touko immediately regretted it. She had never had a sleepover (hell, she had never even had any friends to have over), and now a  _boy_ who she  _liked_ was sleeping over her house with the  _power out_? She trembled, anxiety consuming her. Of course, Naegi was oblivious to this, acting like an excited 4-year-old getting ready for a playdate. 

Touko glanced longingly to her laptop. If only she could pound a few pages out, she would feel more up to this. She sighed loudly, making her way around the candles towards her workstation. 

"J-just... make yourself at home, I g-guess..." she huffed, not even looking at Naegi. "L-let me know if you're hungry, I'll m-make you something." 

"Wow, thanks Touko! You're probably a much better cook than I am." 

"Y-yeah, well, I've been cooking for myself for a l-long time." 

"Your mom never cooked for you?" 

Touko's breath hitched, suddenly brought back to times of plates being thrown at her amongst broken, empty wine bottles. She hit herself in the head to shake the thoughts out. 

"Ah! Are you okay! Why-- What happened!" Naegi frantically waved his hands. 

"D-don't worry about it... Nothing that's worth your p-precious time..." 

Naegi frowned, worried but not mentally prepared to actually get answers. He shook it off, preparing to change the subject. Touko was already typing away, presumably to distract herself from the situation at hand. He swallowed. 

"I'm going home for Christmas," he started. The typing ceased, though she didn't turn around. "My new position doesn't officially start until the new year, um, so, I'm going to spend some time with my family to celebrate." He smiled down at floorboards. "It's been years..." 

Touko's heart clenched. Where the hell was he going with this? 

"And! Um! I've told them about you!" This made her turn and face him, looking at him with a mix of a fear and skepticism. "They, um, they want to invite you to spend Christmas with us." There it was, the final blow. Touko frowned, confused and moderately disgruntled. 

"W-why? So they can just m-make fun of me?" she almost spat. "So they can see t-the ugly pig for themselves? T-they probably just don't b-believe you that such a pathetic excuse for a h-human being really exists..." 

"Actually, um, it's been a long time since I've had any legitimately close friends, so my family is really excited about meeting you," he blushed lightly, throat dry, trying to read Touko's scowl. 

Touko looked down, pondering. There was a deep part of herself that urged her to be more realistic. The constant back and forth on trusting this dumb idiot was wearing her out. Maybe she had been burned in the past, and that lesson was well learned. But what has Naegi ever done to not prove himself? As always, she was willing to put herself in harm's way for a chance at something new. 

"Hmmph.. W-well, if you really are so p-pathetically lonely, I suppose I'll go with you... As a f-friend..." 

Naegi practically melted hearing these words. Good god, this woman took years off his life. He let go of a heavy breath and smiled. 

"Cool! I can fill you in on the details later." 

Touko grunted and returned to her work, head spinning and heart pounding. 

Naegi wandered around her home, taking note of her favorite things. The stacks upon stacks of old, used books, an ancient typewriter, expensive fountain pens... did she have any interests other than writing? He smiled to himself, realizing how simple she truly was. A small nook presented itself to him, almost like its own separate, miniature room. He picked up the only book that wasn't covered in dust. The cover read  _Diary_. Yikes... Better leave that one alone. When he put it back down, he realized that the surface was no shelf or table. 

"Touko!" he shouted out, making her jump. "I didn't know you played the piano!" 

She blushed, vexed by his dumb prying nose. 

"I play too! Let's play something together! What do you know?" 

"Wha--! D-don't make fun of me!! Like a low-class person like you could possibly know any  _real_ art--" 

But it was too late; he was already flipping through her book of sheet music. She rushed over to put a stop to it. 

"Oh, [For River!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvEXqjnuQww) I love that one!" She stared at him, scared, her arm frozen reaching for the book. He set it up on the stand and sat gingerly on the bench, then patted next to him, looking at her endearingly. 

Her muscles relaxed, body moving to sit with him despite every individual nerve screaming  _no_. She raised her hands to the piano and furrowed her brow at the keys in anxiety. Naegi placed his hand on hers and nodded. With a deep breath and itchy fingers, she began tapping the melody. 

_DO do DO do DO do DO do..._

Naegi seamlessly joined in with the harmony. 

_Bum bum BUM Bum Bum bum BUM bum..._

And effortlessly they danced together, fingers gliding on the keys. Touko closed her eyes and smiled. A warm feeling spread throughout her chest, her mind drew blank and all she could comprehend was the bliss she felt from creating something with someone she loved. 

 _CLANG_  

"Aah! You okay?" 

Touko's body short-circuited with an abrupt _bang_ on the keys.  _Love..? I love him!?_ She glared at him with her deer eyes, hand clenching her chest. 

"Wh-hh, uuh, what did I do?" Naegi stammered. 

She looked down and allowed her face to soften.  _Love..._  She cleared her throat and muttered an apology, picking the melody back up. 

Naegi snorted, shrugging it off.  _You can't sweat the small stuff with this one, I s'pose_ _._  

Gentle waves restored the vibe, swirling around them. After the harmony stopped and the melody faded out, Touko opened her eyes to a much brighter space than before. It took her a moment to realize the power went back on. 

"Wow!" Naegi stood from the bench. "I guess it just wanted to hear some music." 

Touko rolled her eyes, struggling not to laugh at his joke. 

"Hey," he turned to her, looking serious, "that was fun." 

"Hhhghhfnnn I-I-I mean I  _g-guess_... It was  _okay..._ " 

Naegi stifled his laughter, offering his hand for her to stand up. She took it reluctantly. 

His phone vibrated, startling the both of them. "Ah, sorry, one sec... Hello? Oh, hi, Komaru! Yes, I got the promotion! Not for another month, probably. Mhm! I'm actually over at her place right now. Okay, one sec," he took the receiver away from his face, "Touko, my sister says hi!" 

"Oh, uuh, okay..." 

"She says hello," he laughed, "Yeah! Okay, I love you. Give Mom and Dad hugs and kisses for me. Sleep tight! Talk soon!" He pocketed his phone, turning his attention back to Touko. "I'm surprised that only lasted a couple minutes, usually she's such a chatterbox." 

"I guess it r-runs in the family..." 

"Yeah, don't I know it!" 

A stale silence passed as she contemplated her next move. 

"W-well it's late s-so.. you can go if you want to..." 

"Um, is it okay if I stay, though?" he said, confused. "I mean unless you want me to--" 

"D-do whatever you want!!" she interrupted, exasperated with his kindness. "I-I'll go get some extra blankets..." 

By the time Naegi's makeshift couch bed was set up, it was already time for him to use it. Spending time alone with Touko, although rewarding, was extremely draining. They looked at each other with tired eyes, neither one wanting to say goodnight first. Of course, it was Naegi who gave in. 

"Well, goodnight, Touko. I had a lot of fun today." 

"Hmmph, are y-you surprised??" 

"Nope, not at all!" 

Touko choked on her spit. The pure straightforwardness of this kid was giving her acne. 

"Th-then.. goodnight..." 

* * *

_Though he knows the evil I have done,_

_he's in my veins, he haunts my filthy blood._

_But unfortunately for my blessed shroom,_

_my appetite will not be satiated._

_I hear you begging, I hear you screaming,_

_and what a beautiful chorus it is._

_Darling, you still hold hatred in your heart,_

_it's a festering wound, rotting, moribund._

_Don't lie to yourself, you're better alone,_

_and you know you love this as much as I._

_I'll saunter past your sleeping knight,_

_but past that door, my party begins._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's a short one, I just wanted to get SOMETHING out.

**Author's Note:**

> Yo this is my first and only non-crack fic, please leave criticism if you have it


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